"Train up a child in the way s/he should go..."

As a teacher, I thought I was pretty good at training children. I probably was... for an hour at a time! I kept up to date on classroom management skills, I was innovative in my lesson delivery in order to keep the children engaged, and I tried to make almost every lesson both informative and exciting. I had 'infinite' time to plan my strategies, units of inquiry, and to prepare my materials. However, being a parent and the primary caregiver as well, as having the full responsibility for my own children and their behavior is quite another matter. Now, with zero preparation time, little sleep, and spending 24-7 with my little boys, I more often than not see and feel myself failing and 'falling behind'.

At night when I go over my day in my mind, I can't help but think of all the times I was exceptionally irritable with the boys, how I could really have taken the time to read that book AGAIN, how I should have explained something properly instead of just saying "NO!", or how fast they're growing and wonder why I don't take the time to enjoy and celebrate this stage of their lives more.

In order to keep from feeling like a miserable mom and to try to keep my spirits up, I remind myself of little successes and positive moments in the day, the week or the month. Here are just a few:

* singing 'Sweet home Alabama' together in the car with my 3.5year old
* playing "moo" with a bell around my neck (my son made me the cow...)
* painting letters with water and my old cosmetic brush on the bathroom door
* dancing around the living room to old pop songs with my 1 year old
* listening to my older son tell my younger son how to say words in German while walking to the store (both in the chariot stroller -thanks Oma & Opa!)
* making monster & pumpkin men with pipe cleaners & popsicle sticks
* checking the jar of sprouts with my 3.5year old each morning to see how much they grew in the night
* watching my 1 year old's eyes glow when he sees trees
* receiving many dirty hugs and slobbery kisses from both boys

The way they shouldn't go...
It seems that various media are out to train up our children for us, and most often in ways that we really don't want them to go. I was always aware of violence in children's programming and I saw the results in my students at school. However, now that I am a parent, I am both shocked and infuriated by the amount of gratuitous violence in children's games, television, movies, etc. The recent movie 'Cars 2' is my main focus at the moment. My son watched and loved the first movie which had a fantastic moral story, NO GUNS, lots of clear friendship messages, no fighting and plenty of harmless humour. The sequal was the opposite: the positive message was conveluded and weak, the races and friendship scenes were all interrupted by scenes with fights, guns or anger and aggression that is unnecessary for most healthy 2-6year olds to be aware of. In fact, some of the older James Bond movies would have fewer fight and gun scenes than this animated children's film! In my opinion, it seems that many sectors of the media are trying to train our children for a violent future.

This is both saddening and frustrating. Sad, because I would hate to see that future and it is not the one I would envision for my boys. Frustrating, because I want my boys to equipped for the future and if the future is one of violence, then perhaps by keeping them sheltered from it, I am destining them to failure. This dilemma is really a harsh decision to make about who my boys will become... will they be weak and gentle failures, or will they become violent and sucessful leaders? How can I train them to be aware of violence and yet strong enough to steer themselves and others away from it? I don't know, but I pray that I'll find the answer one day before they get too big.

Crosshatches and Crossroads

Crossroads

Going away for nearly 2 months this summer brought up a number of changes and issues. Everything from where, when & how we want our next move to be, to thinking about buying a new bed for our 3year old. There have been so many changes in our small family, as well as our extended family. Being close to family members as they move, pass away, grow up and many other changes, has caused us to re-examine our priorities and values.

My stalwart travellers having breakfast in Frankfurt Airport

One important issue that has been eluding us for some time has been health & wellness. You might think I'm crazy for bringing this up, as we tend to eat 'home made' all the time, but there are other aspects of our family's health that need more attention. We decided that fitness needs more energy & attention, and that a healthy environment for our children should be higher on our priority list. Seeing how healthy our boys were for 2 months (not a sniffle or cough, despite travelling half-way around the world) was wonderful. Seeing them both visiting Doctors within a week of returning to Doha was a STRONG reminder that this is not the healthiest environment for their developing bodies. Others may have differing opinions on the matter, but this was our conclusion.



GianLuca thoroughly enjoyed running and rolling on the freshly cut grass at a Farmer's Market in Langley.

 

Enjoying fresh air and greenery in Italy.

 

Both boys enjoyed 'pizza night' at Casorelle in Italy.


We particularly  enjoyed spending time as a couple (without kids) on several occasions this summer. Thanks to wonderful family and friends, we were able to enjoy a few nights out, as well as a night away! This is something that we have missed incredibly in Doha. The generous & caring support of our extended family would really help to keep the 'fun' in our marriage.



Our relaxing night away at Harrison Hot Springs, BC.


Extended family and close friends are also dearly missed. Those who continually love and support us in thoughts and prayers were a really blessing as we spent time together this summer. Although I didn't see many friends, I thoroughly enjoyed watching my boys play, fight, giggle and get into trouble with their cousins. That comraderie & bond is something that we dont seem to be able to find anywhere else.

Tavian wasn't too sure about playing in the tent.

Checking out amazing animals at the Toronto Zoo with Aunty Karen & Esther.

Upon spending so much time with the family & becoming so close to all of us, my husband also examined his workload and work-life. He found that when he forced himself to relax and let go of certain work-related issues, he was so much more relaxed and enjoyed both his family and life in general so much more. It will be a constant challenge for him, but with support I hope he will be able to continue focussing on family and not getting overly-preoccupied with work. It made us all more relaxed and so much closer to one another.



Peter & the boys having fun at the park with cousins.

Crosshatches

I've come to love 'sweet and salty' cookies. I made my 1st batch in July and tried them again in the summer. I found a new recipe recently and everyone seemed to enjoy them. They're called Salted Butter Break-ups  and reasonably easy to make (I made the dough the night before & baked them in the morning). After a hectic couple of weeks with no baking, dragging my fork across the dough to make crosshatches felt strangely theraputic and relaxing.

New Shoes

My son is VERY picky about his shoes. He will become attached to a pair of shoes and never want to give up wearing them even though they are pinching his feet (until they 'disappear' mysteriously). This spring I ordered some new shoes for him via Shoebuy . My family received them, paid customs & posted them to Qatar. I have never received them, but apparently they are in Qatar customs (whom I can only presume are confused by the red flashing lights on them). I then decided to get an Aramex shop and ship account to order the next pair. They did arrive, but I had ordered a size too big. My son was thrilled to have them, but could only clump around the house in flashing clown-sized shoes. He wore his sandals to Canada & once there, we finally bought him the right size shoes with flashing orange lights. Thankfully, I have another little boy, so whenever Q-Post decides to deliver the shoes, I can save them for my second son.

"Hey I put some new shoes on & suddenly everything is right" (Paulo Nutini).

Spray, Spew, Blow the man down!

Spray painting

We hosted a spray-painting craft for pre-schoolers at our home last week. Using old and new spray bottles (the kind you use for cleaning or spritzing your hair with water), we created amazing art on giant sheets of white paper. The results were fantastic and very colourful. We did it outdoors because it's very messy, but a simple hose-down and everything was quickly cleaned up.

Spewing & Blow-outs

Of course, the morning when we're planning to have a couple families over for brunch, our 11month old decides to have an upset tummy. When he vomits, it's not just a little that dribbles down his shirt; he sends it flying all over whatever and whomever might be a few feet away from him. After cleaning him up, I picked him up to comfort him. A few minutes later, I noticed a bad smell and some brown smears on my arm... uh oh! Yes, he had done a 'blow-out', the diaper had leaked & he had smeared it all over himself and me. Then it was into the shower for both of us and promptly into bed for him! I had to get brunch on because our guests were due to arrive in 10minutes and there I was in my skivvies with only a bit of spinach and onion fried up for the frittata that I had planned. Brunch did work out and the food did get made, but I was sure panicked for that hour!

MacGyver and the Nip-Napper

MacGyver

My oldest seems to take after his father in many respects, both positive and negative. My husband is an amazing 'Jack-of-all-trades' and fixes, or finds someone to help him fix nearly everything around our house. His ability to repair & do handiman jobs is one of the traits I appreciate so much. Our son is trying to be just like his Papa. He takes whatever 'tools' he finds, sometimes hit toy tools and sometimes random utensils from the kitchen, to 'fix' his toy cars and trucks. The other day, he informed me that he was 'fixing' his toy car. I mumbled some positive reply and continued with the laundry. Sometime later, he appeared with a door-less, window-less toy car and proudly informed me that he had 'modified' his BMW. I asked what tools he had been using and he produced our wine opener and a tea-ball-strainer. How my 3 year old  managed to remove toy car doors & a windshield with those household objects, I will never know. I think that even MacGyver would have been impressed with those skills!

The 'tools' and removed car parts

The Nip-Napper

My husband and I LOVE the affectionate kisses, slobbers and hugs we receive from our two boys. As they have grown, those small acts of affection have changed from an open-mouthed, silent, slobbery sucking action to a quick hug or a silent peck on the cheek. Our favorite is the "AAAHH-BWAAAH!" kiss that our boys gave us from around 10 months through to 2 years. My husband enjoyed it so much, that he re-taught our 3 year old to kiss that way, even though he had started kissing normally with a slight smacking sound. Our younger son has just started giving those slightly slobbery "AAH-BWAH" kisses. He seems to notice that we like them & enjoys giving them to us repeatedly, especially after naps. However, recently he's started starting with the "AAH" part of the kiss and leans in as though to kiss, but does a large chomp on my shoulder or cheek. With only 4 teeth, he manages to clench his jaw so tightly that it inflicts a huge amount of pain. As a result, I shriek "OUCH!" He lets go & smiles at me. He got what he wanted: an exciting response. Regardless, we will continue to enjoy all those physical tokens of affection while we can because we know that a day will soon come when they won't want to be hugging or kissing us anymore.

Long Overdue: Father's Day

My husband is a wonderful Father. His parenting skills extend from wrestling diapers onto a wriggly baby to wrestling with a rambunctious pre-schooler, from re-wiring a baby mobile to re-routing wiring, so that the children won't be able to attack it, from creating simple meals when Mama is at her wit's end to simply putting up with Mama at her wit's end, from disposing of dead birds to reposing with earphones and a squalling newborn, and the list goes on. He's my 'Knight in Shining Armour' on many an evening when my patience has worn thin and the boys are heading into 'the witching hour'. He's devoted and dedicated to his family which means so much to me, especially in an era when the only thing anyone seems devoted or dedicated to is pleasing themselves, or making themselves look and feel better.

Each year since he become a father, we've made him a handprint in clay as a present from our oldest son. With 2 children, that would be a lot of clay and not easy to display, so we painted a picture for him, using handprints. It includes all three of our handprints and took more than a week to complete since each of the boys could only do a few prints at a time before getting bored, and because a lot of layering was needed. However, I was pleased with the end result. My oldest can't see the whole picture & when asked what it's a painting of, he says very matter-of-factly, "Handprints!"

Eat, Manger, Essen...

My boys all enjoy their food. My husband savours his Italian pasta. He spends hours using every pot and utensil in the kitchen to spatter tomato sauce on cupboards, floors, ceilings and walls with the sole purpose of creating "Papa's special sauce" as my oldest has named it. I have to admit that it does taste pretty good & I do appreciate having containers full of pasta sauce in my freezer.

My 3 year old loves eating pasta - almost any kind - and will eat enough for 2 adults if he's really hungry. He also loves pizza, end enjoys helping Mama make it; he actually just eats all the grated mozarella cheese and drives his cars through the flour while I make it, but to him, it's 'helping'.

My youngest must enjoy the feeling of food spraying past his lips & onto every object in a 1 meter radius, including whoever is feeding him. He loves eating & our grocery bill has definitely increased since he started on solids, but I am convinced that I end up wearing more than half of the food I prepare for him!

Today, I made Calzone. It's the Italian version of an English pasty or an American pizza-pocket, but don't say that to an Italian! My son  loved the fact that the cheese was 'hiding' inside the pizza. I just used my regular pizza dough, rolled very thin into small rounds & then popped on my filling (bacon & cheese & pizza sauce). Then I folded the circles in half and pressed the sides together well. I put them on a very well oiled baking sheet & put them into a hot oven until they were golden. YUM! Later, I prepared a pear raspberry tart for tomorrow (the original recipe is apricot & pear from Real Simple, but I changed the topping & added a chocolate base, instead of just almond).

All that, just to say we each enjoy our food in different ways.

Inflation, deflation and re-flation

Deflation
My poor garden has been 'deflated' by the never ceasing hot winds which bring heaps of dust, sand and rubbish into our yard. Despite the high walls and copious watering, my poor plants look weary and withered. I've spent several trips to the 'plant souq' asking for plants that will last the summer, but to no avail. They all seem to 'deflate' in a few days. I found some hardier looking varieties today, so we'll see how they survive.

Deflation and Re-flation
My oldest son recently asked, "Mama, are you putting on your swim-boobies?" as I was putting on my bikini top. I explained what a bikini is, but the term 'swim-boobies' stuck. I suppose that lovely push-up bikini top or 'personal floatation device' (bought at La vie en Rose Aqua ) which helps my 'girls' stay 'afloat' instead of sinking down to my navel has been aptly re-named.

Inflation
The cost of living where we live has been increasing dramatically. As we watch our grocery bills soar and other expenses from gas to education rise, we wonder how long we can afford this. We've started a budget to keep track of exactly where everything goes. We estimated our expenses in particular areas and set a rough budget. We re-evaluated the budget a couple times, but in several areas (groceries, being one), we are forever over-spending. Part of the increase in spending is due to rising eating habits of growing young boys, and the increase in diaper sizes. However, the cost of a pack of diapers, and the cost for meat and veggies has also increased. At the moment, we have been managing to save a little, but we're not sure if the benefits of being here (monetary) outweigh the deficits (support of family and friends) anymore. When the boys start school, we will definitely be heading somewhere new.

I'm going to call my Daddy!

When I asked my oldest to clean up his toys yesterday, my darling boy announced, "I'm going to call my Daddy and ask him to take you away!" I nearly died laughing, so he shouted at me because he presumed I didn't understand. What HE didn't understand is that I wish his Daddy would come and take me away for a few hours or a day or a week! The discipline (not necessarily all bad things) that we inflict on our children are the very things that we wish we could have inflicted on us. I wish someone would make me sit down for 2minutes and do NOTHING! I wish someone would force me to take a nap. I wish someone would insist on preparing me a nice healthy meal. I wish someone would make me go to bed early. I think you get the picture!

This morning was Father's Day Baby Craft morning at our house, and I completely forgot to take pictures, so here's a picture of Tavian a month ago painting himself and his highchair with beetroot.

Something fantastic about Doha is the amount of free or very reasonably-priced children's and family activities that are available here. One event that we particularly enjoyed last month was the 'Kite Festival'. I tried to upload a short video, but something went wrong with the server - apologies!

Last night we made Salmon in Orange Sauce - made my own recipe with dill and garlic, but this link has an easy version, and Marillen/Aprikosen Knoedel with Streusel. Both of these are dishes that my husband dislikes, so we enjoyed them while he was out.

Why Men avoid Doctors

I have made a very significant discovery about why men avoid going to the Doctor. It all starts as children (doesn't everything?) when their mother's, who are converned about 'preventative medicine', begin dragging them to see the Doctor for colds, coughs, bumps and bruises. The bumps and bruises seem to increase as the boys grow. Then come the stitches and broken bones. A book which I recently read about raising boys (The Wonderful World of Boys) said that the primary goal of guardians and parents of boys was to keep them alive and from harming themselves or others until they are of legal age to take on that responsibility themselves. Needless to say, that in itself (never mind the instilling of values, etc) is an immense task. Mothers end up taking their sons to the emergency room far more often than they will take their daughters. Boys just like to push their physical limits. Back to men. It is my theory that since men have had SO many unpleasant experiences in Doctor's offices, clinics and hospitals as children, they try to avoid those places as adults. This is quite understandable! My own son has never enjoyed going to the Doctor, but since his stitches, he REALLY doesn't want to go - Case in point!

I made an easy & yummy lamb stew last night  from an Annabel Karmel cookbook I pureed it into soup for my boys, took out the meat chunks for my husband and everyone enjoyed it. I also made healthy brownies with spinach and carrot purees in them (from the Deceptively Delicious cookbook I mentioned in an earlier post).

One of THOSE days.

Well, it wasn't all bad, but the latter part of the afternoon was really one of THOSE days. Right after his friend left, my oldest, not wanting to leave the couch during the epic & gripping film 'Toy Story', decided to pee right where he was. How he got it on 4 cushions (2 seat cushion & 2 back cushions), I do not know! I tried to get him to go to the toilet to change & we had a meltdown. No, not just a minor crying episode. This was a full-blown, kicking & screaming, throwing & hitting tantrum. It lasted ages. I tried EVERYTHING.... talking, changing rooms, cuddling, quiet time, shower, my bed, calling Papa on the phone, etc. However, because there was so much screaming and upset, the little guy wasn't getting any attention and decided to scream as well. He wasn't hungry or overtired... just in a foul mood, I guess. Eventually my 'knight in shining armour' arrived and I retreated to my neighbor's with the younger one and the excuse of some books that I had promised to pass on to her. At least there was a bit of tranquility at her house, and by the time I returned, at ours as well.

The garden is suffering in the heat. Even the 'summer plants' I purchased recently are not doing so well. I think I will take the self-starters from last year's summer plants that keep popping up here and there, and transplant them to places where I want them. At least I know they'll last the summer.

I was so impressed with myself for getting dinner on (just Mushroom risotto... I make my own version, but here's a simple recipe http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/reallyeasymushroomri_70240), making dessert (home-made butterscotch pudding http://www.canadianliving.com/food/butterscotch_pudding.php) and baking simple cookies (a cross between macaroons and amaretti) all while having my oldest's friend over. Oh, I failed to mention that I fed my youngest his dinner as well (pureed apricots, chicken and butternut)!

Now, I'm off to do dishes and clean up the kitchen. No deep thoughts tonight! I am in desperate need of a tall adult beverage... something strong!

Mind Blanks

In the evening I have all my great ideas about what I should blog about, but being tired, I go to bed. In the early morning when I sit on the computer to check e-mails, etc while my little one plays on the floor, I forget. Rather typical. Needing something to expand my brain and to extend my poetic abilities, I've joined a Writing Moms group. Most are professionals or semi-professionals. I'm the only poet. Some of the others are journalists and are writing books or short stories. Amazing women, especially considering they all have children!

Yesterday, we went to the dentists... or tried to take my oldest to the dentist. He refused to get into the chair, and then when we finally coaxed him into it (on my lap), he would NOT open his mouth or smile. The dentists was very patient, but my husband was pretty frustrated. That was compounded when he saw the bill. Dentists aren't cheap, but I guess he forgot about that.

I made Pepperonata and a loaf of crusty bread last night (yum!) Pepperonata http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/peperonata/ is the easiest & most colourful dish to make if you have a few peppers in your fridge that need to be used. I never follow a recipe and I don't add sugar since my peppers are quite sweet. The night before, I made  Brownies full of Spinach and Carrots for a friend who hates vegetables - he had several servings, so that means they were yummy! Success! The recipe is from a fun book entitled 'Deceptively Delicious' http://www.doitdelicious.com/  .

Ok, off to make breakfast for my little guy who is rolling around on the floor complaining that Mama isn't giving him enough attention.

Don't say "No, no n,n Noooo...."

My 3 year old loves singing along to the chorus of Bruno Mars "Marry you"... "just say ya, ya, ya ya yaaaa. don't say No, no no no noooo, and we'll go, go go go goooo.... (etc)" In fact, he sing/says it to me when I tell him that No, he cannot do something, like stand on the kitchen counter or jump on the sofas. It's hard not to laugh!
We are also in the 'questioning phase' & he's come up with a few fantastic questions.

"Mama, I want pink toes like you." I explained that I didn't think Papa would be too happy with that. He then said, "How about Orange toes? Papa likes orange!" Creative thinking, son, but NO!

At bathtime my shirt got soaked, so I took it off & finished towelling my son off & dressed him for bed. "Mama, what's that?" I explained THAT was my bra. He then asked "What's it for?" I explained it helped keep my boobies up. "I want a blue baby-bra for my little boobies," he said while pointing to his chest.

For dinner, I made a lovely White Bean hummous-type dip (from the book 'Eat, Shrink & Be Marry' http://www.eatshrinkandbemerry.com/)... yummy! We ate it with FRESH Arabic bread & cut veggies: healthy & filling.

Some days I would love to SLEEP... and sleep. Today was one of them. I had a lovely night out, but a cranky baby at 5am that doesn't want to go to sleep really makes me wonder how worthwhile it is trying to get out in the evenings. Then, when my precious chance to sleep at 'naptime' comes, one boy or other decides to require my attention... one has an upset tummy, one needs more water & another wants to know if I need the car in the afternoon. *sigh*

I have so many small, but significant events to write about & catch up on, but we'll get there eventually.